faith isn't blind

/ partly because of her youth and the glory of the day

2008-03-30T20:57:42Z

and there is an atonement for all of these

"my darling one, you are young and lovely,
but inexperienced, and though you think
the world is at your feet,
it can rise up and tread on you."

so now you know where my strength comes from.

2007-11-28T20:18:59Z

"The LORD is my light and my salvation--
whom shall i fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life --
of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besige me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do i seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon the rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle I will sacrifice with shouts of
joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

I will remain confident of this:
I WILL SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD
IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27

/ of men and angels

2007-03-18T17:38:46Z

and now i will show you the most excellent way.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:19

aswegrow @ 2007-02-13T11:42:00

2007-02-13T19:51:49Z

before i left my old brown house, i thought that i was smart, my head said "yr fine" but that was against my heart. a month has passed and i've yet to see the direction, it hasn't been known. and i've ran and ran from box to box but found myself missing home.years ago i would sit and let the words flow from the tips of these fingers, from the depths of my soul. today i find it hard to key, to tie up loose ends write things out piece by piece. each time i think to the past yr face flashes through, and i stop and stare off i start dreaming through you. i think to the summers, the winters the fall you had me worked like a robot predicting your call. and it was our little secret, no one would've guessed, maybe you were ashamed maybe this was just one big test. and i failed. F-. that's the best for me. stop hating this silence. start loving me. its been months without a word, not a note or a call. and now i'm here and you write saying i want it all. i've got this ring on my finger and memories of you. the distance is haunting, the love echoes through. tomorrow's i love you with candies and cards make keeps this battle raging between my head and my heart. i'm sorry for lying, i'm sorry for wanting more. i just wish i could know if you'll hold me once more. snap back to reality, set my feet on the floor, set my eyes on the mountains the mist and the storm. you are closer than ever and yet miles away but i'll take yr word, make a promise. we'll live this love today.

/ ask me about the ocean

2007-01-21T03:58:42Z

So, I've been in British Columbia for about a week. There is such a different air here, a unusual feeling to everything, and this has compelled me to check every little thing for differences from home.I have found this province to be confusing, quirky, and all together wonderful. Something about trees and rain and mountains everywhere, everyday has engaged a part of me i didn't think existed. Apparently to most folk around here i have a 'delightful' accent. that makes me smile. i never knew how bitter most residents are against people from ontario, some political differences have made the west completely hate ontario. The area I am staying in, Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows is surrounded by mountains that stretch far beyond the top of yr windshield. far far up. i haven't had the chance to see the entire mountain clearly because its been overcast pretty much everyday. In my observations while driving and shopping in the abyss of rediculously awesome shopping centers out here i have noticed a handful of things that are interesting/wayyyy better/humorous to me that i can't say for ontario.

• first thing i noticed was naturally, the tim hortons. they accept debit annnnnnnd have coffee sleeves. the reasoning behind this is because people aren't tim hortons people out here really, more like obsessed with starbucks (there's like 183759203957 of them in my town)
• almost everything you can buy in a grocery store here is sold in convenience sizes or in bulk. i mean, you can get regular sized stuff but bulk is sickly popular. who needs 1L of liquid honey?
• another interesting grocery fact: finally the soup shelving people have wisened up and realized that if you dispense soup cans vertically one can at a time with clear labels, people will enjoy their cream of asparagus SO much more.
• mcdonalds doesn't believe in having those little ordering microphones that you talk into, instead you pull up to this person sitting in a little booth and you tell them yr order. annnddd they give you yr nugget dipping sauce on the spot. its messssssed.
• probably the craziest thing i've noticed about b.c is the psycho drivers, because the government doesn't believe in disturbing the land with highways...EVERYBODY uses the main 2 lane roads to commute and to get around, so it almost triples your driving time if you get stuck in stop and go traffic/get stopped by the 405938282 trains/have a random pedestrian step out in front of your car. ohhh and there are these random pedestrian lights that light up and you have to stop instantly because a pedestrian wants to cross the street.
Something that both excites me and practically forces me to be in love with this place is the green policy that residents have embraced. almost every grocery store offers boxes or bins instead of bags, the public transport system is ridiculously popular, inexpensive and practical. recycling and composting are like sliced bread, its everywhere. i hope that eventually ontario will embrace similar green policies, it makes everything so much cleaner. (don't get me wrong there are certainly dirty, un-green parts on the province.
Overall, my subtle discoveries have spured me to keep finding weird things that i can learn to love. there are insane amounts of graffiti out here, and i read one today that said 'love where you live, live where you love', mike thought it was disrespectful, but inside, i just smiled.

new song alert!

2006-06-12T00:35:59Z

inspiration wasn't hard to find for this one. I can't wait to preform it.

change

so here comes the change, i'm out of control
i've never done anything like this before
and i have to say something before you go away

i think i'm losing my mind, just sitting
waiting, wishing this would help you decide
but it's been tying up all of my heart lines

chorus a:
i can't breathe, if you leave me here this way
i won't move, if you turn to walk away
tomorrow's new, it's never the same
i'll stay static while your life,
begins to change

we'll meet on the west coast
dig our heel sin the pacific sands
maybe then i'll confess (and profess)
and you could hold my hand
and you would hold my hand

chorus b:
i won't breathe, when you're holding me this way
i wouldn't move, this is where i want to stay
tomorrow doesn't matter, maybe it wouldn't even come
i won't pray for changes because we're here babe,
falling in love

fade out with just acoustic and some random notes

aswegrow @ 2006-02-13T14:36:00

2006-02-13T19:36:10Z

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

aswegrow @ 2006-01-29T20:46:00

2006-01-30T01:48:44Z

i want to beg you, as much as i can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. Like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not seek the answers which cannot be given to you, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

aswegrow @ 2006-01-08T16:47:00

2006-01-08T22:06:53Z

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool:
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow:
if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain:
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it,
or fade it,
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy:
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness,
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to,
be careful,
be realistic,
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another,
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal,
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless...and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty,
even when its not pretty. everyday.
and if you can source your own life,
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine.
and still stand at the edge of the lake,
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"yes"

It doesn't interest me, to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done.

It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire, with me.
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

i want to get to know who you are right now

aswegrow @ 2006-01-07T16:22:00

2006-01-07T21:23:09Z

I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end - we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

i'm finding out where i belong

aswegrow @ 2005-12-30T00:28:00

2005-12-30T05:37:16Z

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

/ so right when we're wrong

2005-12-22T23:47:46Z

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Friends are the only things that will ever stay with you, jeopardize friendship and you may lose it all. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats; who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "..that's her"

/ pray for snow

2005-12-15T04:33:42Z

some nights i stay awake a little longer and pray that the snow will come rushing down

so we could race our tricycles to the bottom of the street, swirving and spiraling in the ice and the sleet. we'll dig in our heels and steer to a stop, crash head first into snow laughing alot.

and the only way to get back to our feet, is to tickle fight and lick the snow to eat. when the fun is over and you pull me near, we'll kiss for the first time in all our snow gear.

no i'll never remember what i wanted to say, but tonight i'm up late prayin for snow on friday

/ in the water, i am beautiful

2005-12-13T18:09:11Z

And I know its not to get away from me,
You just need a change of scenery
So strange how everything went wrong so fast
And I hope that this confusion does not last

These words might be, too little too late,
And I’m afraid that I have already lost you.
Now three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
And I will long to hold you in my arms

When you ask do you love me
I should reply with yes most certainly
I always hesitate there’s something lingering
And I will try harder to be all that I can be

These words might be, too little too late,
And I’m afraid that I have already lost you now
Three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
And I will long to hold you in my arms

/ testing, one..two...

2005-11-29T02:09:02Z

i am actually trying to figure out how my life life went from complete an utter joy to chaos. great friends, great job, great school. and now...well let's just say none of that is the same anymore. maybe its the winter chill that's gone and drove everyone away, or maybe it was so much more than that...

as i finished scribbling those words a cold wind brushed my face, books crashed beside me and there was this man. its like he knew me before we had met, as if he had stalked me and read the journals i've kept.

he said "ya know committment isn't what it used to be"
i smiled and said "well not for me"

and i failed to realize my transparency. he saw right through me. he knew inside i was holding back anger, fear and tears. he knew, but i didn't.

"how did you know?" i whispered under my breath.
he smirked "it's your eyes, they've lost colour, like you're really just dead."

tears clouded my vision and raced down my face i fell into his arms, heard his heart, felt embrace.

"i think i've really lost her now, what do i do, what do i say and how?"

his thumb swiped my lip and offered a hush, i could feel his prints, each bump and each rut.

"oh beautiful won't you stop and just listen to me, you have changed someone's life and they will never leave. when the world stops and stares and you feel no way out, don't hold back your feelings, don't soften your shouts. you will be loved forever by one lucky man, and i pray your best friend will stay close in hand..."

now it was my turn to stop him

" please, hush...just hold me awhile, can you do that much?"

we sat there awhile between rows of softcover books, i promised him to stay stong whatever it took. when our world was disturbed by the rush and crowd i gathered my things and saw life brighter now. just as quick as he came in a flash he was gone, eyes filled with tears i just skipped the next song. i know from now on its just me in this day, i have to live for myself, love myself and then maybe i can promise things with not one ounce of pretend. it is after today i know what i love you means, and well i think i can say i love you and mean. everything its ought to be. i'll stay here hoping that when my world starts to crash, my headphones amuse me until i feel a slight tap, on my shoulder and then it will be you there instead, you'll say i love you with your heart and your head.

aswegrow @ 2005-11-15T18:01:00

2005-11-15T23:02:53Z

ya know what? i'm so sick and tired. i'm sick and then i'm tired. i'm tired then i'm sick. i am bored of being bored and doing nothing and going nowhere. i rush around to get places only to be ignored and then guess what? bored. ya. all the time. if it was attention that i wanted, i would've given up years ago. i am your number one,and i can't settle for less. i lay in grass, nudging your shoulder and i'm screaming right into your left ear. can't you see i've never been this near, but you have just turned your back. fix that crack on your shoulder, a very large chip. make some time for this. will it ever be? just tell me with words, show me the hurt that i know is coming at me. make it real, just kill me. i know you didn't choose this role but fill it, play it well. just when i think you've spread it all out, you stutter something profound to the support on the line. judging by the way your hands shake, and your voice fluctuates you been more beat up than my elementary sweater. all tattered and pulled from the adventures and girls, who rip you apart. kick your shins and claim to win. i know you've never been stronger than this. but yet you always quit. quite well i met add. So here I am, alone in this bed, house, and head. she never fixes this i just slip a pill to help me forget...makes me forget. stop stalling, start talking and back all that shit up. all your happy hooks and desperate pleas while you're under the microscope trying so hard not to believe. what they tell you, all the lies. i've never loved you more, and yet you knew it before i ever did. you let me grow, and then to blow up with dreams and hopes. all fake. cut. "hey look over here at me, i'm about to jump and you are leaping after me" go figure with the rush of the crowd, an explosion of senses i hit the ground. so all you just quit my game of being friends or this love name, just quit before i poison you. i just wanted a little piece of your time, just one second away from this hell with you. and then i'm left with that ringing in my ear, the comfort of the dial tone an explosion into tears. you've moved on faster than anyone ever could. is it wrong for me to doubt the lies he tells, how i thought he was heaven until it shook until one hell. time to be a little positive for me. a little something please. give me a little more of you _____.

/ committed...i think not

2005-11-09T20:20:06Z

and ya i've given up on really ever seeing you again. why does love have to be stretched so thin?

aswegrow @ 2005-11-03T21:01:00

2005-11-04T02:02:35Z

I believe in the sun, though its slow to rising. I believe in you without realizing. I believe in rain though there are no clouds in the sky. I believe in truth even though people lie. I believe in peace even though sometimes i am violent. I believe in God even though he is silent.

aswegrow @ 2005-11-03T12:05:00

2005-11-03T17:05:27Z

"I had retreated to the Oregon coast to be alone. The questions of my faith were draining the life out of me and I desperately needed solitude. One afternoon I took a walk to the edge of the Oregon coast. The sky was dark and menancing, the wind stong and wild, the crashing against the rocks, chaotic and deafening. Thunderous! There I stood, inches away from the life-threatening waters and i was frightened. And yet, I was covered with a gentle mist, soothing my sould and silently awakening me to a presence. There he was, in the eye of the stormy waters, asking me to come to him. His gentleness was only perceptible because of the roaring waters around me. Give me a Jesus who meets me in the rushing, crashing waters of my questions. Let me stand precariously close to the dark and menacing skies of doubt so i can hear the fierce and gentle loving voice of my Jesus who drowns out my fears and stands just beyond my questions with open arms."

god's love...

2005-11-03T02:52:14Z

"God's love is measureless. It is more; it is boundless. It has no bounds because it is not a thing but a facet of the essential nature of God. His love is something he is, and because he is infinite that love can enfold the whole created world in itself and have room for ten thousand worlds beside."

"with God, it isn't who you were that matters; it's who you are becoming."

"if God can fashion the mountains, if god can keep the sun in orbit, if God can split the seaand dry the ground beneath it so an entire nation can cross, do you doubt that he can transform you?"

"consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

"there has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourished finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."

"we must trust as if it all depended on God and work as if it all depended on us."

aswegrow @ 2005-11-01T20:53:00

2005-11-02T01:53:13Z

now i'm only going to ask this one more time. stop being so beautiful, can you dull down all that shine. i'm loving all that i see, from your head down to your toes. you must be confused thinkin thoughts and changing your clothes. you could be dressed in rags and you'd still have that charming prince on his knees. oh geez its gettin so hard to breathe, hold on tighter, keep me warm pull my limbs from this machine. you got the world spread out in sets of charts and graphs if you want just give me one more chance, just once. i might have this all turned upside down, be to close to feel the ground. you just have no idea what its like to be lost then claimed and found. to be rough and grainy all the time. i've been washed clean. i got to shine. i'm counting down the months, the weeks and then the days till we can both stop dreaming and you can have your prison break. theres nothing there thats bigger, or even stronger still. those people are just playin games with you, and you know they will. you're just getting to busy, you've stopped dreaming those dreams you were dreaming. you know just how capable you are, so you choose the harder road. you become a million role models to a million fragile girls. day after day. feel free to free fall, cry and wail, pound absurdities on your white ivory keys. scream "victory" even if thats the last thing you could see, know when you don't trust yourself that you could trust in me. have you ever been so low? hearts race, blank face, sweaty palms and you are gone. we'll pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears, we'll hear it over and over, a song that will linger forever in our ears. are throats are silent, our pleading looks will say, "oh hard times, come again no more" we'll endure this tortured murmur, the protests and the undertow, we'll rise on higher waters capture gold from decade old rainbows. this journey is as much a joy as it kills each of our souls, love is beautiful golden hair, you haven't stopped lately to stare. i happen to have noticed, the strained eyes the sudden glares. but then again what do i know, i’m just the wind in your hair.

dear emily,

2005-11-02T01:21:44Z

how long is it going to take, before you realize you have to be whole before you can break. what ever happened to the winning streak, when did your future become so bleak. there's something i must confess to you, i don't think you trust yourself enough to even look yourself in the eye. stop being so scattered, sit down and think about your life. who is there for you? who is going to be there for you? to be honest that's what life is all about, you're dreams are heading north while your heart is falling south. torn. and that is all its gonna be. all your run away dreams, they're all going to leave but what's going to keep you whole? you stand for hours, always weak in the knees there's nothing that can lift this weight; lift you off your feet. i never really thought i'd ever get high, to swim to the surface, glazed over eyes. i expect nothing less from you. so i'm gonna save up all your strength so you can kick down that old wood door and flee. run. if that's all you need. you're pathetic, did you hear me? i thought i had said it enough, did it hurt to cry this time. the cold white reciever inches away from your ear, can you hear it? take a deep breath. your heart is beating so fast it might as well be outside your chest. no, i don't want a glass of water. i can't swallow anything more; surpressing fear and hate. because i read between the lines, that always gets me in such rough shape. you can't write that. don't do that. stop screaming damnit. in those moments i see your pupils dilate, your eyes are spots of black and white, the reflections are merely smudges on your soul. that's when i flip over. on my stomach you can't hear the screams, can't stop the tears, can't help yourself. can't you see...you ARE me? you are just one stupid mess that no one else can read. no one will read this because no one cares. no . no . one. not you. stop it. red. yellow. red. stop. i am an explosion. tick. tock. maybe i took one to many tonight, maybe when i said i was good i was just alright. maybe i should be more definite sometime. maybe i'm already dying. hold on.

/ cmon now hazel eyes, stop lookin so good in the daylight

2005-10-25T03:46:46Z

this is so much more than i could've ever bargained for. speaking through stutters,whispering "beautiful" in your ear. as you tell me your broken dreams, you cry and forget to mention how long this has been going on for. your lists fall to the floor, fist to mirror, tears to cheeks. the pain creeps up your throat and cascades over your white peaks. i'm ready for the fight, i battle each unrationality, can't you see i'll give you a place to hide? there's no need to go there, cos pretty soon you'll just be here...here here. right here. pretty soon all this will fade to light our breath will escape in clouds to night. just please know none of this is your fault, you are always walkin in the dark, being pushed with empty dreams in places left unseen. are we all just walking blind, speaking lies with covered eyes? you'll never know what its like to be deep in these shoes watching the leaves cast shadows on your face. maybe then you'd see you heart won't be tortured much longer to break. he fidgets, he's got nothing left to defend. do you remember the thrill of your first kiss? having your nerves send thousands of shocks right through your lips, and your heart beats through your chest. sit down, get prepared for this love is making its way around again. don't worry...its someone else's turn to play to fool, reach for his hand squeeze it thumb over thumb. never. let. go. you have something to dive into. please let go of the past, before you take another breath. you can be the wind if you just lighten your load. take up the masts and sail away with your love. but you gotta gotta lighten that load girl. speak all words. exaggerate every syllable, never actually conclude. just pause. like that. just don't you let go of his hand. forget about the seasons, bundle up and forget about the time, money didn't make the stars or cause the song of wind in chimes. and he'll just embrace your beautiful green eyes, shake you from your constant sleep and beg you "babe just look at me" there's all these thoughts of you, you flow through, and he just wants more? ya he just wants more of it. can you spare some more? maybe you could come out of hiding just in time for one more kiss, can't you feel all the love clinched between your fists? there is such a sense of wonder in your eyes as you sparkle hand in hand in the twilight. after 3 long years i think you both need this, and you'll seal the deal in the parking lot with a kiss. but in case you are wondering, you are like a sunset to me. you are all kinds of beautiful through day. and at night you sweetly retire as the stars will chase you away. now tell me this, do you know what all this means? well in case you were wondering...you are everything to me. and with you i am truly in my element, my element with you. he's tossing and turning, the candle is burning. trying to understand how this is all he needs. right here. all he needs. he's at the mercy of your photograph, you won't stop staring back. "she was so beautiful tonight" he says, the world stops dead and he decides.

/cavalry

2005-10-25T02:41:29Z

the waters up to our necks now I, find it hard to breathe. You. are holding tighter now, i'm feeling warmer now that you're close to me. Nobody expected this nightmare, we all need a place to hide. This is much more than we bargained for, but i know we'll make it through the night. this is the day heroes fall, empires burn and leaders follow. and if this city falls, we can hide here, we can die here. and if this planet crumbles, we can stay here until the calvary comes. Now as you tell me your broken dreams and as I watch you cry. I won't mention that the walls are getting weaker, i just want to see you smile. this is the day when heroes fall, empires burn and leaders follow. This is the day when heroes fall. And if this city falls, we can hide here we can die here. And if this planet crumbles we can stay here until the calvary comes. we can put out these fires and save the survivors and watch the dead raise. we can move mountains ya you can move mountains. this is the day our pride will fall. our bodies burn, but that means nothing at all. I think this cave will turn to light, I think your kiss will keep me alive And if this city falls, you can hide here, we can die here. And if this planet crumbles, we can stay here until the calvary comes...

/ fly

2005-10-20T17:13:43Z

has it been eternity since i've last seen you? ya its been so long, i cling to your pictures and the sound of your voice. but it wasn't our choice, the world has stirred us mad. but its just so bad. because when i'm around you, everything is alright. i pray for the days that we're together to stray from the night. we can't fight, so i swear it won't do. if you need me god i'm always here, i'll throw the rest away if you say you can't just call. when your heart crosses seas i'll beg on hands and knees. please. please. please for us, don't hurt us. when i make that mistake you're the first one to forgive, you're my memory when i forget, and give when i cannot give. so when i come back, i want you there, breathing loudly so i know how you stay alive. i think i've found my new addiction tonight. its you, all of you, is that alright? so come. back. be my comeback please. i swear in you i have my other half. i swear you're my better half. how does it feel to know you're everything i need. the butterflies in my stomach could bring me to my knees. god i adore the way you carry yourself. with over a thousand angels flying over head, and then the galaxy starts to melt. how does it feel? cos i know i can't say it all right all the time, but you have mine. whatever that is...its yours. how does it feel to see me look in your eyes, staring at your soul? searching for the root of that pain, we've got nothing left to hid. hold onto me girl, and if you feel your grip getting loose, just cmon hang onto me. i won't let you down. are you ready to run away? pack your things, we'll leave today. just you and i, we'll be each others home. and you don't have to worry because no matter what we'll be okay. and i'll say it again and again. okay? okay. okay okay. and you'll never know the meaning, where this all come from. its kindof like smiling, beauty cascading...its perfect. its you. and "if i could swim, i'd swim out to you in the ocean, swim out to where you were floating." and because you are blessed you can lend me some air for this heaving, sunken chest. you're the heaven i'm running through hell for. but that's okay. today and all the days that have been worse before, they're nothing. and now that i'm with you, and every single thing you do...i must conclude, heightens all my senses, expands my mind, causes my teeth to grind. that's what you do. so my grand resolution, my forced conclusion is no matter what the place, the date or time, i'm there. wherever you go, lost or found, i'll bring you home. to the highest mountain top, where we're free to just spread our arms and fly.